Friday, March 19, 2010

I love you baby.

Every morning I wake up and lay in bed for an extra ten minutes or so just so I can be still in total silence and feel my little baby move around.

I wake up and say "Good morning baby, I love you." And if Dashing Boy is still in bed (which he usually is not) sometimes he says I love you back. And I think how wonderful it is to have two different "babys" in my life.

My sister Juju is graduating this spring as an RN. She is going to be amazing.

Just the other day she said to me, "Jenny I honestly can't even imagine it, myself as an RN. I can't believe that I'm going to be one in just a few months." And I told her that was completely normal-that when something has been our focus and we've worked so hard at it for a big period of time, it is hard to grasp when suddenly it is almost here.

There are beautiful, exciting times when I can imagine myself as a mom, of course. But in general it is really hard for me to wrap my head around. The time is counting down, months are passing by, stomach growing. And soon I will have a baby. My baby.

I look at my breasts and think really? Really there will be milk flowing?

I walk by his room, becoming so bright and cheerful and think that soon his personality and brightness will fill it completely.

I dream of what he will look like (it is different every time) and I wake up and think with a rush of excitement, "Wow. I can't believe I am going to have a baby."

It is a wonderful cusp to be upon. One I am so, so grateful and awed by.

And so I'll keep imagining and daydreaming about our little family. Sometimes with painted daydreamed images, but mostly with abstract excitement and wonder. And love. Love for my baby laying next to me and love for our baby soon to be here on this earth with us.


Shauntel said...

This is simply beautiful. I know I don't know you really, but I do know that you are going to be such a wonderful mom.

That baby will know so much love. It's so beautiful. :)

juju said...

That was super sweet of you. I think a new mom & a new nurse will make great additions to our family!

Gigi said...

sometimes i like to feel your stomach too!

Cristie said...

Juju will be a great nurse, she has so much love to give, the focus and quick mind-- my goodness when I think about it she is perfectly suited to be a nurse! As are you to be a mother.

Gigi said...

juju will be the best nurse! she is a perfect chich!