Tuesday, December 29, 2009

A Family Heart.

Over a year ago, after a much thought out season, we decided it was time to start our family. The decision had been looming for quite some time. It sat, unspoken for many months, present as it became more and more obvious it was time to take a step in its direction.

I, in particular, wanted to make sure I was ready for something so life-changing. This decision is so personal, so deep-running. It opens you up.

And so when I was ready (with only just the tiniest fraction of hesitancy left) to make it, I felt READY. I wanted to be a mother. It was so obvious. The desire ran through my core- not the youthful hunger-for-a-baby desire-- it was the I want to be-a-mother-to-children desire, to care for them and teach them and watch them grow.

And suddenly, even if we were to conceive that very first month, nine months seemed like an agonizing amount of time to have to wait. Waiting is hard when your heart feels ready.

I don't know why some people get pregnant right away, some accidentally in tough situations, and others so ready- who will be the most wonderful, loving parents must wait different, hard lengths of time.

But I do know this, a baby is always a blessing. Always. And that knowledge, despite how long or unexpected the road is to achieving a family, blesses those who are on the journey. God blesses those with a mother heart and a father heart.

I have felt that this year in some of my hardest, heartbroken moments.

And now, as I have felt (well, I think I have anyway) the first tiny little flutters and movements of the baby growing inside me, I am deeply, deeply humbled.

We are with child.

A beautiful child that fills my heart with joy. That I love already so much.

I am so excited.

And grateful for my mother heart that has been with me all along.

12 comments:

*Amy Leigh* said...

Congratulations! As I read this I was nursing our 3-month-old and remembering what she first felt like in the womb. Enjoy every second of your pregnancy, although it seems long, it will be gone before you know it! Good luck and God bless!

Geoff & Cami Brown said...

So glad it is out in the open! I love you Jenny. You deserve it (:

Mrs. Olsen said...

Wow! Congratulations. RU going with a midwife?

Mara said...

Yay! Congrats!! We're so happy for you guys! When's your due date? Do you know what you're having? We need to get together! Yay!! :-D

candace said...

when your baby is all grown up and playing that game 2 truths and a lie, he/she will be able to say "my mom ate a salad every day of the year I was conceived"! ha ha. congrats (again) Jenny. I'm so happy for you. and let's put a date on the calendar to get together!!

Blake and Jenn said...

Jenny! I'm so happy for you! You really are going to be one amazing mother, it's just in you! It was really good to see you last night and catch up. We need to get together!!!

Cristie said...

What a sensivtive and beautiful view of motherhood. I'm so happy for the three of you! XOXO

Gigi said...

does this mean that i am going to be a grandmother?

Jenny said...

mom, you are very silly.

ACH said...

Congratulations to you and your (growing) family! What a happy time and wonderful blessing.

Natalie | The Bobby Pin said...

Wow girl! Congratulations!

Maren said...

Congratulations you three! Take good care of yourself.